Log in

a cold glow when the lights are out [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
benjamin adrian

[ website | feedback loop industries ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

The rain falls and the activities continue. [Mar. 24th, 2011|12:37 pm]
benjamin adrian
The record release show was amazing. I'm currently trying to get all the orders out in the cracks of time between the day job and band practices.

The rain continues to fall; it reminds me of Indiana. It's not the normal California rain, where it rains for a short bit, stops, rains some more, clears up, then sprinkles a bit. This is almost continuous, thick rain.

It's been a very long time since I've had a job that had a window. This rain, though, reminds me of when I had my last Indiana job, working for IU on the Indianapolis campus. I had my own office with a window looking over a courtyard. I remember the days where the dreary rain would come down, and I would just stare out the window many, many times through the day.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about jobs. Maybe I need a job with a window? My day job has been very nice to me, but I have also been very good to my day job. I realize that I'm getting to the point in my life where I have enough experience and expertise in what I do for fun that I could do it for other people and charge money. I'm flirting with the idea of trying to be more self-employed. I like the security of my day job, but between day job and night jobs, my time is totally full. I see room to grow with my night jobs, but at my day job, I know I've hit a dead end. Someday, I will get sick of treading water here, and while I'm not sick of it yet, this may be the best time to try to get something started.

This weekend, it's off to LA for Claudia's birthday. The following weekend, it's off to Seattle to rock. The following weekend is a visit from Claudia. It's busy, but damnit, I'm squeezing every drop of life out of life.
LinkLeave a comment

Rock Show: now with extra rocking. [Mar. 10th, 2011|05:13 pm]
benjamin adrian
Link8 comments|Leave a comment

Thanks LJ. [Feb. 28th, 2011|01:13 pm]
benjamin adrian
I received a collections notice a while ago. I had no idea what it was for, just that it was coming from Alameda County Court. I went to the court records department, and was told to go to Oakland Traffic Court. I went to the traffic court. I got a date for an "expired tags" ticket. I did not remember receiving this ticket.

So, I looked up the date in my various online worlds. I found a Livejournal post about getting a ticket while parked on private property at my work. Oh, that was it. I remember that ticket, and I thought I took care of it. I had not. Shit.

Anyway, had it not been for Livejournal, I would have been in the dark for much, much longer. I tell myself over and over that I should rite more, that I should keep track of my life. I don't like to live in the past, though, and I rarely look back at these online sources to remember what was going on in my life. Still, I think writing can be a good exercise, and sometimes I really need a history of my mundane details.

Perhaps I'll see you around, LJ.
LinkLeave a comment

Employment [Feb. 9th, 2011|02:53 pm]
benjamin adrian
Sweet holy crap, I've been at my job for over five years.

I want a nap. I want a three day nap. I want to rent an apartment above a retail store on the main square of a small town. After six pm the town would essentially shut down, and I can open the windows and make music, and listen to it echo off the buildings.
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

Hey folks [Jan. 12th, 2011|03:57 pm]
benjamin adrian
Still working. Still music-ing. I'm probably exactly how you remember me. Cheers!
LinkLeave a comment

I'm squeezing every last bit of life out of life [Aug. 5th, 2010|05:44 pm]
benjamin adrian
I'm busy. Very busy. I feel great. I'm doing awesome. Really.

I sometimes want to complain about how busy I am. However, I choose to do this. I could stop at any time. Sure, I have a day job, but it's a pretty nice job for me. It compliments my life well and leaves me time to pursue my interests.

On top of that I have four bands, pedal building, gear repair, studio work, and a ton of other sub-hobbies. I dig my apartment. I live in an area which I love.

Yeah, I'm swamped. I'm behind on everything I want to do and have to do, but that's because there is so damn much stuff I love and enjoy. I'm happy.

I feel like life is a pool, and I've filled it with a thick, viscous, soothing liquid. It's sometime a pin to move through he liquid, but most of the time I find the feeling of envelopment to be pretty nice.

In short, I'm getting as much life into my life as I can.
LinkLeave a comment

Any old Indy friends still mess with this thing? [Jun. 10th, 2010|10:20 am]
benjamin adrian
if so, come out tonight!!!

LinkLeave a comment

May of 2010 [May. 14th, 2010|04:03 pm]
benjamin adrian
It's time for the state of the nation post. The nation, in this case, is me. The internet moves so speedily that I never take the time to unfold and reflect. And that is pretty much what has been going on in my life as well. It has been packed so full that I sometimes feel I have no room to stretch out and really enjoy one aspect. This is not really true. I'm haveing a great time, and I'm doing so many things that I love to do. No one wants to hear me complain about how I'm exhausted from doing all the things I really, really enjoy.

Being so full up, though, makes me stop looking at all these activities and fun events. Instead, things are turning into a long string of appointments I have to keep. So the joy of doing what is dear to my heart is diminished by the long strings of very little rest. I came to a conclusion...

I need to be bored. I know my personality kind of developed in a punk rock reactionary furnace. Fighting against the boring and mondane has produced some of my best creative output and most exciting experiences in my life. So yeah, I think I just need to be bored. Perhaps my week in Indiana will help with this.

One thing I'm not looking for is turmoil. I've always laughed at the art-makers I know who seem to live lives of perpetual self destruction, as if pain somehow validates their human experience more than joy, and then it is mined as the raw material for the creation of something resembling art. On some level, the art of the self-auto-suffering seems to be quite transparent.

But I digress. I'm in four bands, with two of them being projects where I am in the drivers seat. I'm backordered for about six guitar pedals, I have a pile of gear to fix, an album to mix for Vitamin Party, a big list of personal projects, and seemingly no time left. As much as it sucks, I'm going to need to make some personal declaraions. I don't know what they are yet. I take on all these projects which I love. I make commitments. Then I look ahead and see nothing but all the commitments falling in line, filing up every nook of time. It makes me feel guilty when I want to be spontaneous, even though I know I'm only cancelling plans which I chose for myself.

So, in short, all is well, though very busy. I also need time management rules.

LinkLeave a comment

The current. [Jan. 23rd, 2010|04:17 pm]
benjamin adrian
Today is a day off. Really. I just decided that I was getting too overwhelmed. Plus, I have every night filled next week, in addition to probably five full days of work.

Today, I decided to go out, get coffee, and go for a walk in the rain. Well, the rain stopped and the sun came out. I strolled the streets of Alameda, partaking in coffee, a small pastry, and a trip to Goodwill. I found a nice shirt, and everything was half off (including my pants!).

In case you don't know, or are just on the periphery, Amanda and I split up just under two months ago. I've not really written about it because I had no desire to work out my emotions over the internet, nor did I wish to broadcast the most personal of my personal life. Now that a little time has past, I'm comfortable mentioning it for informational purposes. I also want to let my friends know that I'm doing well through all this, and there's no blame or hatred going around.

I have been left with a lot more free time, which I quickly filled up, which is why I'm so busy, which is why I am taking a break from everything today. I also have been on a shopping spree for new clothes. I'm a damn lady.

Oh, and my fancy new guitar should be here soon.

All my love, friends.
LinkLeave a comment

It's not just a behavioral pattern, it's a way of life. [Jan. 3rd, 2010|02:54 am]
benjamin adrian
I watched my little Netflix-provided Joy Division bio movie-thing. It was one of those british, non-authorized films, and pretty crappy, but I still watch them all for the bands I love. An expectation of mediocrity.

That left most of my Saturday night open. I listened to a bit of music and then went out for a walk. The Borders a few blocks away is open until 11 on Saturday, so I went down and perused the shelves. Not an uncommon recreational activity. On the walk home I had a really good song idea. I got home and plugged into the headphone amp and tried to work it out. It seemed much cooler as I was walking down the street at night, probably because I was hearing the bass and drums in my head as well. It was still nice to get in a little guitar playing, though.

That still left quite a bit of awake time for me. So, since I have new, giant television, I decided to put on "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly." I've been re-watching my personal DVDs up-sampled to HD on giant television. Since I am male, and a fan of slow, sprawling movies, I (of course) love this film. Since I started it late at night, I (of course) drifted in and out of sleep, making it a semi-surrealistic, impressionist film. That just happens with this movie. I think an old man asleep in front of "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" is an image rich with tradition. The Scotch and the old man cardigan just add to the picture.

In this period in my life of unknown or reworking, I feel that it's fine to repeat my old traditions; to re-establish or perhaps re-affirm my identity. Hopefully, it will add a bit more confidence in areas other than building/repairing electronics and manipulating audio. I'm already an egotistical bastard in those areas:)

So yes, it's not just a behavioral pattern, it's a way of life. Happy new year, friends.
LinkLeave a comment

[ viewing | 10 entries back ]
[ go | earlier/later ]